excited...and scared

do you know that feeling? butterflies in your stomach because of excitement and fear? did you ever notice that those two emotions often trigger the same feelings in your body?

remember the first day of school? at any age, the feelings are the same. remember your first day on a new job? moving? new house, new neighborhood, new school, new friends, new church? remember your wedding day? your wedding night? anything new. anything unknown.

exciting and scary, all at the same time.

i feel that way about becoming a mom. maybe it's not that i am afraid of becoming a mom, but the way i am becoming a mom. there are so many unknowns. if i were pregnant, i'd have a few months to prepare. i'd have a new baby that would learn most new things from me. a child that had no outside influences until i allowed them. a child that would not be exposed to the bad in this world because i would protect it for as long as i could.

my children however aren't starting with me. someone else gave them their start, and it likely wasn't good. otherwise they wouldn't need me. what have they been exposed to? who has hurt them? how badly have they been hurt? can i help them heal?

it could happen sooner than we think. me becoming a mom. talk about scary and exciting! if we go through a public agency we are looking into, we would start training november 4th and be finished december 17th. if we are matched with children, they could start visiting with us, even while we're in training. and then once we're finished, they would come home. to me.

what if they don't like me?

what if i don't have what it takes?

what if i can't do it?

"for God has not given us a spirit of FEAR,
but of POWER and LOVE and SOUND MIND."
II timothy 1:7

it is HE who dwells in me.

in Him there is no fear.

in me, there can be no fear.

faith and fear cannot occupy the same space.

"I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are MY servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. so do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
isaiah 41:9-10