can you say overwhelming?

i am a bit overwhelmed right now. have been for a few days. maybe even a few weeks actually. mentally, physically, and emotionally, i just feel drained. we have had so much going on. we're living in a whirlwind, and while it's very exciting, it will be nice when life settles down a little.

josh updated his blog. yes, he finally did. if you've not checked it out before, you should venture on over. he's a pretty funny guy. and learning a little more about him might help you understand why i am the way i am. ha!

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we had visits number 5 and 6 with the kids last week. tuesday night we met up with them for dinner and dessert. we dined at burger king. fancy, i know. but when you're dishing out money for five and you're used to doing so for only two, you must not splurge. the kids were great at dinner. they ate well and behaved well. our middle child is a loud talker, especially in public. we think he's just making sure we're paying attention to him and not only to the oldest child and the youngest. i am a middle child so i completely understand. i know it's not easy. i swear i will honor his birth order!

after dinner we took a ride in our van and sang some songs. we would have loved to go to a park to play but it was in the low 50's and rainy. the kids handled the car ride very well, but wondered if we were actually heading somewhere. they didn't understand the just driving around idea. that is something i love to do though, so someday, they'll get it. as soon as gas prices drop a little!

after driving around we made a stop at DQ for dessert. these kids really enjoy ice cream, especially the oldest. she polished hers off quickly and then moved on to her brothers. i guess if there are days she won't eat anything, we know what we can give her. there was a cavs game on while we were there so josh was teaching the kids to yell, "go cavs!" they were having a blast. we then met up with their foster mom and parted ways after chit-chatting and playing for a little while.

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visit number 6 was actually our first overnight visit. we picked the kids up on friday night around 6pm. once we got home we headed to the park to play. they loved swinging and sliding on the slides and riding on the teeter toter. i think they could play at the park forever. that will come in handy on days there is nothing to do.

after the park we went home and cleaned up and got in jammies. next it was time for a snack. we gathered around the table and had milk and graham crackers. and after our snack, we piled on the couch to have a little talk about becoming a family. we explained to the kids that there are lots of people who love them and want good things for them. and that these people think they should have a mommy and daddy who can love and care for them. we explained how we don't have any kids but that we really want to and that we'd like to be the mommy and daddy who get to take care of them and have them live at our house. the oldest is the only one who has the slightest idea of what's going and she just smiled, said okay, and started playing with some toys.

due to their ages, we weren't expecting much out of the conversation, but they didn't start crying and screaming so i guess we got somewhere. the most important thing to josh and i is that we opened the door for the family/mommy and daddy conversation to take place. the kids can now at least think about it and start to understand who we are and why we are involved in their lives.

after play time, it was bed time. we filed upstairs to brush teeth. the kids all did really well with this. then we filed in their bedrooms to get some much needed sleep. our daughter went down just fine. she's in love with her new room and her lamp on her nightstand. she thinks it's just the neatest thing to have a little lamp that's all hers. the boys on the other hand, weren't so easy to put down. they were scared of their new room, these strangers putting them to bed, etc. this was understandable and it made me sad. as their mother, i didn't want them to be scared. josh and i split the boys up and each consoled one. it took about 20-25 minutes to get them to sleep, but it finally happened. i finished up some laundry and then we climbed in bed. we were exhausted!

i had a hard time getting to sleep. the monitor was right by my head and every time the kids turned over, or breathed heavily, i wondered if they'd wake up. one of them finally did, at 1:45am. the baby had lost his paci and i went in to find it for him. i did so quickly and once it was replaced in his mouth, he was quiet, but as soon as i turned to leave, he started crying. i scooped him up, hoping he wouldn't wake the other two, and i stood by his crib and rocked him in my arms. he fell asleep and i went to lay him back down. he woke up and started crying again. i went through the same routine one more time and then josh stepped in. he carried him downstairs and they sat on the couch. our poor little guy was wide awake at this point and it took about a half an hour to get him back to sleep. and as soon as josh came up the stairs, he woke up again.

josh brought him into our room and held him on our bed. i changed his diaper which was pretty wet. josh got him to fall asleep again, until he tried to lay him in his crib. then i got another turn and i too held him on our bed. i finally got him to start to fall asleep again and when i went to lay him down in his crib, he started to cry, but i just stood next to the crib and rubbed his head and he fell asleep in a few minutes. it was now 3:15am. we were very tired, but during this whole time, josh and i were having huge mommy and daddy moments. we were both really connecting to our little guy, providing him with the security and love he needed to feel from us. and we were connecting with eachother. we needed no words other than 'i love you' and we said it over and over again.

morning came quickly. the boys woke up around 7:30am. josh sat on the couch with them and i jumped in the shower. we woke our daughter up around 8:15am. i think she could have slept much longer, but breakfast was ready and we didn't want her to miss out on eating with the rest of the family.

after breakfast, josh took a shower, we all got dressed for the day and played with some toys inside. then we headed out to the yard to play ball. right then our great friends jeff and heidi arrived from columbus. the kids were very excited to meet them, and jeff and heidi were very excited to meet the kids. we spent most of the day playing outside. we all ate lunch together and the boys took a nap. after nap time we went to the park again. a huge hit with the kiddos! then it was time for them to go back to their foster home.

on our way back, jeff said, "well, you've got yourselves a volleyball player, a soccer player, and a football player." our daughter replied, "i'll just be a princess." i guess girls are just born that way!

we have another visit scheduled for tonight. and another overnight visit scheduled for this weekend. again, we'll let you know how things go!