mother's day

today we begin our first day as a family. everything went really well yesterday with picking up the kids. and last night went really well too. getting our middle one to sleep proved to be quite the challenge, but it finally happened. and, it only took about an hour. poor little guy.

everything is going well this morning too. the kids are bright eyed and bushy tailed. breakfast is over, playtime has begun, and it's only 8:15am. josh and i on the other hand are not bright eyed and bushy tailed, but we're making it. i think it will take us a few days to get used to this schedule. i am usually up this early, but in the past i could just sit and veg on the couch if i wanted to. those days are gone, at least for the next 17 or so years!

on a more serious, emotional note, i know this is a sensitive day. i know there are mother's who grieve the deaths of their children. i know there are mother's who grieve never being able to birth children. i know there are mother's grieving children they couldn't care for and who are now being raised by foster or adoptive mothers. i know there are women who want to be mother's and can't conceive or give birth. i know there are people who go into hiding on this day so they don't have to face this day.

i know last year i wondered if i'd ever celebrate mother's day as a mother. i know my heart ached while waiting to see when and how God's plan for motherhood for me would unfold. i know last year when our church celebrated all women on mother's day, i was able to stand up because i am a daughter and sister and wife. but, i was wishing i could stand because i was a mother.

this year, all of the prayers for a family have been answered. i have children. tonight at church i will be a mother, celebrating mother's day. and there i'll stand with my children, our first time at church together.

the whole time we were trying to get pregnant i would think, "if i got pregnant this month, i could tell my family this month, and it would be my grandma's birthday and what a great present to give her, to tell her she's going to have a great-grandchild." or, "if i got pregnant this month, i could tell my family this month, and it would be Christmas and what a great Christmas present for everyone." i was never looking at pregnancy in terms of God giving the gift to me, just me giving the gift of our child to someone else in our family.

just recently it hit me. God has been orchestrating this beautiful gift for me. He could have chosen any time for us to bring our children home, but He chose now. He chose mother's day.

i wonder how much it makes Him smile, seeing His plan come to fruition in my life. it makes me smile alot, knowing that out of all the paths He could have planned for me, He led me down this one.

thank You Lord for my children. help me to be a good mother to them.

happy mother's day.