i've been tagged, our third and fourth visits, and i've found some pretty cool random stuff while cleaning out the kids bedrooms

that's likely the longest blog title ever. it matches my posts that tend to be too long. unless you really care about what's happening in our lives, then you could probably read more.

so i've been tagged. first time. thanks stephanie. i hope i get this right. i am supposed to list six weird things about me. some of you who know me well might be saying, "only six?". sorry folks. this is just a sampling.

1. i am adopting three children at once. that's not wierd to me, but i think some people think it makes me totally crazy. it is a bit overwhelming, but hey, why not jump in all the way all right off the bat.

2. i have to eat things in even numbers. this isn't everything, but little things, like m&m's, skittles, raisins, cheerios, etc. if someone gives me three m&m's, i'll put all three in my mouth, put one on one side of my mouth, one on the other side, and then split the third one to give each side one and a half. i also prefer to have an even number of colors. if you give me a green m&m and a red m&m you'll think you did it right because you gave me the even number of two. but now my colors are off so i have to split each color in two so each side of my mouth has half green and half red. weird or obsessive, not sure which.

3. i sometimes hold my arm up in the air in the middle of the night and stroke it gently. josh has caught me doing this multiple times and it totally cracks him up. sometimes one of us will catch my arm on it's way up and then we'll push it back down before i have the chance to get started. i don't think i have rubbed my arm in awhile, but since i am sleeping, i am not sure.

4. i am slightly obsessed with sara groves music. i have seen her 5 or 6 times within the past couple of years. if she's anywhere within a couple hundred mile radius, i'll likely be there. every single song she has out, has something to do with some part of my life. i swear, it's true. and a few of her songs have helped guide me through our infertility/adoption journey.

5. i am literally obsessed with 6/23. that's the day i was born. and for years i would randomly look at the clock and see 6:23. it happened so frequently and i always made a fuss over it and it started to drive people crazy. i think the fact that i used to do that still drives my husband crazy. poor guy. could be worse i guess. i could have some crazy even number/even color food obsession. oh wait, i do!

6. sometimes when my breath is stinky, josh will say, "how about if you have a piece of gum?" sometimes i'll say, "no." then josh will say, "how about if i get you some mints?" then i'll say, "i don't want any mints, i just won't talk at you."

so now i have to tag people? hmmmm...will anyone i tag actually do this? i guess i'll just have to try.

1. josh-my husband
2. derrak and melanie
3. jeff and amanda
4. becks and lee
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we had our third visit with our children on tuesday night. i feel horrible that i haven't written about it. sorry! it went very well, even though it made me very tired!

we picked the kids up a little after 5:30pm to take them to dinner/supper. we call it dinner, they call it supper. they were excited to see us and excited to ride in our van. we filed out to the van with the baby crying. he doesn't like being away from foster mom. at least not at first. once i opened his door and started putting him in his car seat, he was fine. he was even smiling. josh climbed in the back of the van with the other two kids and helped them get buckled in. what a great dad. i didn't even have to ask him to do that!

off we went into a their little town. there are only 3 or 4 restaurants. all mom and pop family diner type places. we picked one and went in. josh rounded up three boosters and we took our places. the food took a little longer to arrive than we would have liked, but we managed. the kids colored on their placemats with a couple of pens from my purse. the pens didn't survive, but the kids were happy.

all three kids ate well and behaved well. after dinner we went to a park to play. the two oldest, who are very mobile, we all over the place! they tried 3 different slides. almost 4, but one was too high. they rode the teeter toter, the merry-go-round, went swinging on the swings. we were out for a total of three hours and we were all pretty tired.

back at the foster home we read a couple of adoption stories the foster mom had gotten from the library. she had started reading some of them with the kids so they could start to get an idea about what adoption is. the oldest one is likely the only one who will kind of understand at this point, but it's good to plant the seed.

josh and i headed home, going straight to bed. we were exhausted! i didn't think i would have been that tired, after all, this is what i do for a living! but, i have been working at my nanny job for almost three years and in know how everything works with those kids. with my kids though, everything is new.

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we had our fourth visit with our kids on saturday. this was our first all day visit and actually, a whole day of firsts. we picked the kids up at 11am and brought them to our house. bringing them to our house this first time was just to let them see it and spend a little time in it so they can begin to get comfortable here. we came in and looked around and met the dog. the dog didn't go over too well with the two youngest kids. they cried, alot! so we kept her outside most of the time, but we'll keep trying with her and them. we would give her up if we absolutely have to, but we don't really want to. and, we aren't sure it's so healthy to have a fear of dogs when you haven't really been around them ever. so we'll see what happens. we ate lunch together and played a game before we left. then we were off to my parents house and josh's parents house.

everything went really with both families. the kids were shy at first, same as they were with us and that is to be expected. they adjusted quickly to their new surroundings and all of the new faces. all of our siblings got to meet the kids, except my sister who lives in NM and is 8 1/2 months pregnant. she'll be home in august with her husband and baby, and the kids will get to meet her then.

we had pie and ice cream at my parents house to celebrate my dad's birthday which was thursday. this was the first time in 35 years he didn't hear 'happy birthday dear dad', but instead heard 'happy birthday dear papa'. it was very sweet and i think very special for all of us. at josh's parents we ate dinner together, pizza and chips.

we had the kids back to their foster home by 9. we were all very tired! we have put them in their jammies for the ride down so they'd be ready for bed already. they had a snack, brushed their teeth, went potty, etc. and were off to bed.

the day went so well, the kids got along great with everyone. josh and i thouroughly enjoyed ourselves and while we could agree we are crazy for taking this all on, we wouldn't have it any other way.

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we visit with the kids again tonight. another time to eat out and just hang out. the more used to us they get the better. and then friday night they are sleeping over for the first time. three little babies in my house! sleeping! we can't wait to have them here for an overnight and though we'll really enjoy playing with them, eating with them, watching cartoons with them, etc, it will be neat to see them sleeping here, in their rooms, in their beds, in our house. i imagine the tears for josh and i will be flowing plentifully when we crawl into our bed!

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and now i leave you with this. i discovered it years ago and still have it on the original piece of paper i wrote it on. then i re-discovered it the other night while cleaning out my random stuff from our daughters room. it makes my heart smile.

"each lifetime is the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
for some there are more pieces,
for others the puzzle is more difficult to assemble.
some seem to be born with a nearly completed puzzle,
and so it goes.
soul's going this way and that trying to assemble the myriad parts.

but know this.
no one has within themselves all the pieces to their puzzle.
everyone carries with them at least one and probably many pieces to someone else's puzzle.
sometimes they know it.
sometimes they don't.

and when you present your piece which is worthless to you,
to another, whether you know it or not,
whether they know it or not,
you are a messenger from the Most High."
--rabbi lawrence kushner

in need of wisdom

please pray for us! we have a long list of things to be praying about. becoming mom and dad, becoming a family, me being home fulltime, getting our house ready, the adjustment of the children to all that will going on, their alleged fear of dogs and the fact that we have one, etc. all that aside, we need wisdom.

over the next couple of visits with the kids, tonight and saturday, we will begin talking about the idea of us becoming a family and the kids coming to live in our home. i think i know what to say, but do i? we are taking them from all they have known for the past year of their lives and that's pretty much all they remember. most things before that are probably just a big blur.

i am sure some of you are saying "don't worry about it, they'll be fine. look at all you're doing for them. giving them the gift of a forever family, a nice home, a ride in a cool mini-van, a better chance at having a good life, and a really funny daddy." i understand that thought pattern, and i agree. but also for me, they are the gift.

they are giving me a better chance at a good life. they are giving me a forever family. they will make our nice home even better. now i'll have little ones to tote here and there in my cool van.

they are giving me the chance to become a mom.

and as their mom i don't want them to be scared when they visit my house and spend the night the first time. i don't want them to be confused about why their whole world has been changed. i don't want them to be sad that they have been taken away from everything they know to be safe and secure.

i have seen many children go through this transition and they have all managed just fine. but that doesn't take away the little heartache i feel over such little people going through such big changes. we'll make it through, i know that. i believe it 100%. but, we still need some extra wisdom. please pray that God will give us the right words, the perfect amount of hugs and kisses, and enough love to make it through.

He Is Risen! and...another visit

happy Easter to all!

is it appropriate to write about the Resurrection and our second visit with our kids in the same post? i believe it is. i am celebrating the Resurrection of His life and the new life that it gives me. so, here goes.

in Christ alone

in Christ alone my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

this Cornerstone, this solid ground

firm through the fiercest drought and storm

what heights of love, what depths of peace

when fears are stilled, when strivings cease

my Comforter, my All in All

here in the love of Christ i stand

in Christ alone, who took on flesh

fullness of God in helpless babe

this gift of love and righteousness

scorned by the ones He came to save

‘til on that cross as Jesus died

the wrath of God was satisfied

for every sin on Him was laid

here in the death of Christ i live

there in the ground His body lay

light of the world by darkness slain

then bursting forth in glorious day

up from the grave He rose again

and as He stands in victory

sin’s curse has lost its grip on me

for i am His and He is mine

bought with the precious blood of Christ

no guilt in life, no fear in death

this is the power of Christ in me

from life’s first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

no power of hell, no scheme of man

can ever pluck me from His hand

‘til He returns or calls me home

here in the power of Christ i’ll stand

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we had a great second visit with our children yesterday. the ride down was filled with a different kind of anticipation. this time we wondered if they would remember us, if they would be happy to see us. the ride down also felt different because we rode down in this.



i am officially a mini-van mama. we found it last monday night at don sitts. a 2003 mazda MPV. only 20,000 miles. you can't beat that! well, maybe you can, but we didn't have months to figure that out. josh worked on the financing throughout the week. we signed the papers saturday morning. came home, grabbed a snack, and headed out to see the kids.

when we arrived at the foster home, the kids were looking out the window for us. we waved. they waved back. "do you think that means they remember us?" i asked josh. we went to the door. it was open so we went in. there they were. two little smiling faces(child #3 was getting a diaper change). they said hi. they rememberd us! we were thrilled. we gave hugs and talked about what we were going to do for the day. an Easter egg hunt!

we all piled in the foster mom's minivan and made our way to their church. it's about 40 minutes from the foster home. yes, that's a 50 minute drive down for us. then another 40 minutes to church. i rode in the front with foster mom so we could talk about our plan for future visits and so i could ask more questions about the kids. josh rode in the middle next to the baby. he found a story in the car, how many sheep, and read it to the kids. it was so cute. and so neat that he did it on his own. he already knows so many of those dad things to do.

when we arrived at their church, we weren't surprised to see that it's much smaller than our church, the chapel. it's in amish country, right down the street from the amish door restaurant & inn. the church property holds a swing set for the kids and a cemetary for church members who have passed on.

we got to take a little tour of the church. we saw the sanctuary, the kitchen, the fellowship hall, the nursery, and the kids classrooms. the kids were very excited to show us where they have Sunday school. we got to meet their teachers, the pastor, and many other members. most of them are very involved with our kids and are very thankful that a permanent home has been found for them. some of them thanked us for what we are doing. we are thankful they have been in church. and, that they have had so many people in their lives who love them and have been praying for them.

the egg hunt started with the reading of a children's book about the real meaning of Easter, the Resurrection of Jesus. all of the kids gathered around in the grass, holding their Easter baskets, anxiously listening and waiting for the hunt to begin. after the story, josh helped our daughter and i helped our middle son look for hidden eggs. they only found a couple each, but they were so excited anyway. some of the older kids found too many eggs so they shared with ours and the other younger children.

after the hunt, there was time for cookies and punch. our middle son got ahold of a chocolate, chocolate chip cookie and he had it all over his face, hands, and clothes. he really enjoyed it. josh, again just knowing the daddy things to do, grabbed a napkin to wipe him up a little. we enjoyed playing on the swingset in the yard of the church. the two oldest kids were both a little afraid of the slide. josh helped them out and after the first run down, they were fine on their own.

on our way back to the foster home, the kids foster mom put on a scooby doo dvd. yes, they have a dvd player in their mini-van. no, we do not. we are enough entertainment on our own. aren't we? we have decided no on the built in dvd player because we can just take josh's laptop with us for vacation, etc. so, the kids are watching scooby doo. josh included. the middle one fell asleep and josh and the baby held hands and played little games. it was so precious.

back at the foster home, we spent sometime playing outside. they have a nice swing set and playhouse. we played kitchen and mcdonald's drive thru. we rolled a ball and kicked a ball. we did some swinging and dandelion picking. we played with bubbles, blew them and chased them around.

we had been with the kids for a little more than four hours. we made plans to get together again this week. when we were leaving, the kids were saying they wanted us to come back tomorrow , which would be today. we explained we couldn't, but we'd be back in a few days, and they'd say, "okay, see you tomorrow." they were being very silly! and we were glad they wanted to see us so soon. we would have loved to have seen them today, but now we have a few days to spend really looking forward to our visit this week. we'll update you on how that goes.

Good Friday

the wonderful cross

when i survey the wondrous cross
on which the Prince of Glory died
my richest gain i count but loss
and pour contempt on all my pride

see from His head, His hands, His feet
sorrow and love flow mingled down
did ever such love and sorrow meet
or thorns compose so rich a crown

oh the wonderful cross, oh the wonderful cross
bids me come and die and find that i may truly live
oh the wonderful cross, oh the wonderful cross
all who gather here by grace draw near and bless Your name

were the whole realm of nature mine
that were an offering far too small
love so amazing, so divine
demands my soul, my life, my all

love so amazing, so divine
demands my soul, my life, my all

permanent custody...

was granted today. the kids now belong 100% to the state. they are legally free for adoption. can you believe it? two days after we met them.

getting permanent custody is perhaps the biggest hurdle we have had to jump. the judge could have decided to give their parents more time to try to regain custody, but he didn't. he knew they needed and very much deserved to have a family who could care for them the right way.
the parents still have the chance to appeal, but they likely won't. and if they did, the judge likely wouldn't reverse his decision.

things are going to move quickly from here on out. we'll visit the kids again this saturday and then add weekday visits too. they'll have a couple of weekend overnight visits and then move in. it still seems pretty unbelievable.

we put the pictures we took on saturday on a dvd with music. i watched it a few times today and i cried every time. i asked josh if there would be a day when i wouldn't cry. i hope there isn't. i hope every time i watch the images of the first time we met them, that i am still moved to tears.

things are also starting to come together in terms of what we'll need to bring them home. people are offering cribs, high chairs, playpens, booster seats, etc. we found a minivan we like that will hopefully become ours sometime this week.

i am still in awe of God's goodness in all of this. His hand can be seen and felt so clearly.

i am excited to share with you all that takes place over the next few weeks. i have a feeling it's going to go so fast. from two of us to five of us, plus one dog. i can't think of a more perfect way to build our family.

the luckiest

"and where was i before the day
that i first saw
your lovely face
now i see it everyday
and i know

that i am, i am

the luckiest"
ben folds

we went to meet our children yesterday. well, they aren't officially ours yet, but we are really hoping and praying that they become our children. we drove to their foster home. it's about an hour away from our home. and, it's in the middle of nowhere. i am not complaining about that. i can't. some people travel half way around the world to meet their children!

the ride down is hard to describe. josh attempted a couple of times to pray out loud for us, but the emotion of it was overwhelming to me. i didn't want to show up at the door with puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. i had been praying in my head. and i knew so many of you were praying too. thank you for that. we could feel it. the whole day felt covered.

so the drive was filled with much anticipation, but no expectation. we didn't know what to expect. we had seen a picture of the children. but, it was a black and white photocopy, and the kids are biracial so it was hard to tell what they looked like.

we also had no idea how they'd react to us. we went just as people who are coming over to play for awhile, not as maybe 'mom' and 'dad'. we were just josh and kirsten, wanting to get to know them a little and have fun.

when we got there and pulled in the driveway, josh said he could see little faces looking out the window. we smiled at each other and asked one another if we were ready to do this. we were. without a doubt. we made our way to the door and we could hear little voices waiting behind it. the tears started to come. the door opened and there they were. three little faces. well, at first we could only see two because the middle one was hiding behind foster mom. but, there they were. and they were gorgeous. they are just gorgeous.

they were shy at first, not wanting to say hi or talk to us at all. foster mom was really great, encouraged them to get some toys out to show us. that opened a window for us to begin to interact with them. within five minutes of being there, we were playing and giggling. we started taking some pictures and boy did they love being in front of the camera.

we were playing with a barnyard set. they were being silly pretending the rooster was a cow and that the sheep said moo. then they were saying the baby, who is a boy, was a girl. i asked them what i am and the oldest one, the girl, said i was a boy. we laughed. i asked her again. again she said i was a boy. i giggled and told her i was a girl. she said, "no, you a mother." it didn't really hit me then, but josh mentioned it on the way home and it blew me away.

we talked about toys they like, what they do at Sunday school, what shows and songs they like. we saw their bedroom. we looked at a photo album their foster mom had put together. various pictures of holidays and church activities and birthday parties. it was neat to get a glimpse into the past year of their life.

foster mom shared with me what foods they like, what their napping schedule is. when they go to bed, when they wake up. she told me how they do at the doctors and in the car. how she bathes them and cares for their skin and hair.

the talking and giggling and playing soon turned into hugs and kisses and sitting on laps. at one point the middle child sat on my lap for at least 20 minutes straight. i didn't want him to feel like he had to stay there so i kept giving him opportunities to get up. but, he stayed. most of the time it just felt normal, but sometimes it would hit me, "i am holding you because you are going to be my son."

we continued to take pictures. it was so much fun to see their eyes light up each time we pulled out the camera. we have some of the cutest pictures of them being silly with josh. again, it all seemed so normal, and then it would hit me, "i am taking pictures of them with josh because he is going to their dad." it was amazing.

we were there for two hours. we could have stayed for ten. it seemed so surreal that i had to keep telling myself to drink it all in. this is what we had been waiting for for two and a half years. they were strangers yesterday when we arrived at 3pm, but as i held them and kissed them, it felt like i had known them forever. in the past i couldn't picture our home with three little children living in it and now i can't picture it without them here. it just fits, perfectly.

the plan is to go back next weekend. and in the meantime, we have bedrooms to set up, furniture to paint and rearrange, lots of kid and baby things to purchase. but most of all, i think we'll spend time being thankful. it is astounding to us that out of all the people in the world, God would choose us to parent these children. they are a huge gift and we have a huge responsibility ahead of us. we are so excited. and you know what, no longer scared. God is so good, we are filled with anticipation for all that is to come. so much anticipation that i really had a hard time sleeping last night. i couldn't get their faces out of my head. we are so blessed.

we are the luckiest.

ten guidelines from God

Effective Immediately, please be aware that there are changes YOU need to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill My promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. Please, follow these 10 guidelines

1. QUIT WORRYING: Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST: Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And al though My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME: Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE: Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME: I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don’t forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH:I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE: You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT:I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND: Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF: As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don’t ever forget......

in the shower, at the store

God seems to 'get' me in the strangest places sometimes. He is sneaky that way. or is He? i have a suspicion it's planned. He knows when i am vulnerable. He knows when i am going to be open to His speaking to me.

last night in the shower i was thinking about meeting the kids. still can't wrap my brain around it. i started to pray, thanking God for His faithfulness, for keeping us sane on this journey. i started to sing (surprise), "so You were in it after all...all of those moments i spent crying, when something inside of me was dying...You had a reason for those trials it seems i grew stronger every mile...so You were in it after all...taking the blows that i'd been given, mending the wounds that needed mending...You were with me when the sun was shining and You were still beside me when it rained...so You were in it after all." larnelle harris

i started to cry. He's been here the whole time. i have known that the whole time. but, to look back at the times i spent standing in the shower crying, saying, "God, what are You doing? why me? why us? where is the end? when do we get to see what's unfolding here?" to times like last night when i cry and say, "duh! You've been here, working Your magic like only You can do." He continues to amaze me.

this morning i went grocery shopping. it was very much needed. josh went a little last week, but only for things i needed for my sickness. seems like every day last week i needed something new. i went to marc's. i try to do most of our shopping there. if you have one near you, you should go. the prices are great!

standing in line, starting to place my items on the counter for check out, i started to cry. "i am going to be a mom," i thought. i tried really hard to fight back the tears. don't want to freak out the check out lady. a few managed to fall, but i wiped them away quickly. i wondered if it would be so bad if she saw me crying. i was crying for a good reason. i am sure it will happen again and maybe that time i'll be caught.

on the way home i was singing again, along with sara groves. her new album has a song called rewrite this tragedy. i sometimes think of the lives of our children as a tragedy. that sounds really bad. let me try to explain. they were born to people who would never be able to take care of them. people who aren't healthy physically or mentally. people who weren't taken care of and in turn, they have no idea how to take care of others. that's a tragedy.

God steps in (yes, He's really been there the whole time, knowing this tragedy was occurring) and it's time for Him to rewrite the tragedy. He cues us and uses us to begin the rewriting process. He takes away our ability to birth children. He puts adoption on our hearts. He teaches me how to care for more than one child at a time. He allows us to consider adopting more than one child at a time. He takes away what we had planned and implants His plan instead. so now...

"i'm here to re-write this tragedy

one line at a time

hold on, i'm changing all the scenery

it's okay we'll be fine

cause we know how this ends

we know there's a better story

there's a better story

of true love, of true grace

there's the hope of glory

and our first chance to be truly brave

it's the place we're going

when we can't stay where we are."

i am excited. i am scared. those seem to be the two words that best fit my emotions right now. oh yeah, and overwhelmed. but, i can't stay where i am. i have to move forward. i am continuing to step out in total faith. the story is still being written. the tragedy is still being mended. i need to play my part.

"many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

proverbs 19:21

meeting

we are going to meet the kids saturday afternoon.

words to describe how i feel?

i don't know.

none maybe?

i am speechless.

yes me, who never lacks something to say.

i feel speechless.

anyone who has adopted want to share about their first meeting with their child/children?

anyone have any words of advice/wisdom to share?

this journey started two and a half years ago.

the time is finally here.

wow, it's really happening!

i'll let you know how it goes.

"many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."
proverbs 19:21

test results

i got a call from our kids social worker this morning.

me, "hello?"

social worker, "the results are in."

me, "already?"

social worker, "yes, they are all negative. all three kids are fine."

me, "oh my gosh, oh my gosh, they're okay. i can't believe it, i can't believe it. they are all okay."

social worker, "are you crying?"

me, "yes."

social worker, "me too."


the news is still new. i have a feeling it may take a couple of days for us to process it. the big question has been, "what will you do once you get the results? what if they are negative? what if they are positive?" our response has always been that we can't make a decision until we get the results. now we have them.

please keep praying.

we'll let you know our next step.