there's a first time for everything

and one of mine came today.

i was peed on by my baby.

sounds gross to say it that way, but how else do you phrase it?

besides, it is gross.

all those years of baby-sitting and being a nanny and i never had that happen.

i get my own kids and a few days later, one of them lets loose.

thanks little guy.

i guess my time has been coming.

on being a mom last night and this morning

i got in the shower last night at 11pm. i have found it's easier to take a shower at night while the children are sleeping vs. trying to juggle three children, a dog, breakfast, and a husband getting ready for work. while finishing showering, josh knocked on the door and peeked his head in. he was holding our daughter who had obviously been crying. i told them i was just getting ready to get out of the shower and he closed the door. i called for him asking if she had to go potty. she did. i wrapped myself in my towel so she could come in.

she was very upset. she had woken up needing 'to go pee', but daddy didn't hear her on the monitor and mommy didn't hear her because i was in the shower. once daddy finally heard her, she was into full-blown crying mode. poor little thing.

after she went potty, daddy came to carry her back to bed and tuck her in. then daddy came back to the bathroom to tell me that our daughter needed to talk with me for a minute. i threw on my jammies and knelt down by her bed. she said she was thinking about her foster mom. when i asked her what she was thinking she said, "i just remember." i asked her if she was just remembering living there and being with her foster mom and she said yes. i told her those were good things to think about because her foster mom is a great lady who loves her very much.

i asked her if she was thinking about anything else. she said, "a question." i asked her if she had a question for mommy and she said she did. she wondered if she could have her curtains opened a little so she could look out the window. i opened them and we looked up at the stars. i asked her if she knew who made those stars and she said Jesus. i asked her if she knew that He made families and little beautiful baby girls for daddy and mommy(josh & i) to love. i asked her if she knew that He made two beautiful baby boys for mommy and daddy to love. she said she did and that she remembered when our youngest one was a new baby and she went to meet him at the hospital. i couldn't believe she remembering. she was only 3 and a half at that point, but it was only a year ago.

i told her i love her and i gave her lots of kisses. i also told her that mommy likes it when she talks to me and tells me the things she's thinking about. i also told her that i don't ever want her to be scared to tell me anything. she smiled and gave me kisses too.

priceless.

our baby was the first one up this morning. he slept until 7am. whoo hoo! i got up to get him and i brought him into bed with me. he just sat on my tummy and looked around and 'talked'. after josh let the dog out he got back into bed too. the baby layed down and josh put his arm over the baby's tummy. the baby gently rubbed josh's arm.

priceless.

our middle son was the last to wake up. he slept until about 7:30am. josh went up to get him. he was on top of all of his covers and totally soaked. josh changed his diaper and got him dressed. i went up and grabbed his sheets.

priceless.

well, not really. i could stand to have no more bedwetting. and someday i will. and how much have i had since the kids moved in?

our daughter--1 time
our middle son--2 times
our baby--1 time

how many nights have they been here?--11

not too bad i guess.

and a very small price to pay for the fun we've been having and the love we feel. the fun we've had with the kids and the fun we've had together. the love we feel for the kids and the love we feel for eachother. having the kids here really has brought more love into our home. more consideration. more kindness. more gentleness.

week in review update

i sincerely apologize for mixing up some of our days last week. going to the park, daddy mowing, and uncle ben stopping by happened on wednesday. i also sincerely apologize for leaving out a very special evening we shared with some very special friends.

thursday night our good friends donny and jennifer came over. they brought us dinner, dessert, and some really fun gifts for the kids.

this was their second time seeing the kids in person. we weren't sure if the kids would be friendly or shy, but by the end of the night, it seemed as if they had known donny and jennifer forever. we played, acted silly, really enjoyed just being together.

thanks donny and jennifer. you guys are the greatest!

maybe we could meet at a park sometime to play soccer and jump stick!

on being a mother, for one week

well, i am blogging so that means i have survived. to review how things have been going, let me take you back a few days.

here is a picture of josh and i on our final night out as 'just us'.



we had a really great time at dinner, and afterward. i got a little teary eyed a few times and i think josh did too.
____________________________________________________________________________________

i also wanted to share a few pictures of our new closet. it's still not totally finished, but my clothes are hanging in there now so the kids rooms are almost all their own.




___________________________________________________________________________________

and here is our living room the morning before we brought the kids home.



somehow we managed to find a place for everything. and amazingly after one week, everything is still in its place. in fact, josh just commented to me that the house has been maintained better this week than it ever has. i have been telling him for years that once i got to be home full-time, things would be much different. turns out i was right.
____________________________________________________________________________________

and now on to the kids and parenting and adjusting, etc. i know that's what you really want to hear about anyway.

over last weekend i was really questioning whether or not we were doing the right thing. we didn't pick up the kids until 4pm saturday and so we weren't home until a little after 6pm. all we had time for that night was a little visiting with some friends and dinner. putting the two boys down for bed wasn't too easy. they were a little scared, and i think i was too. i didn't sleep that well, listening to every single little noise coming through the baby monitor. we were up a couple different times that night, comforting children. and we were up pretty early Sunday morning. our daughter woke up at 6:30, needing to go potty, and she wanted to stay up. i was thinking, "remember, this is what you always wanted. you are supposed to be excited about being up this early with your child. and, it's mother's day."

the rest of the day was pretty easy. we managed to give both boys a nap and head over to uncle ben and aunt ashley's house for lunch with them and grammy and gramps(josh's brother and parents). the kids did really well. we ate a late lunch/early dinner of sloppy joe's, fruit salad, and chips. we also had brownie sundaes for dessert. thanks aunt ashley for feeding us! you are a very good cook!

i got a few mother's day cards and a couple of presents. josh's mom gave me a really nice devotional for mothers and josh got me some flip flops. i am sure this doesn't seem like a very good mother's day present, but it really is. i always buy really cheap shoes, especially flip flops. and josh always buys really nice shoes. his last forever and mine always fall apart. by the end of the summer, my feet are a mess, his are not. so, he finally decided to buy me some nice shoes. and, i told him not to get me anything for mother's day anyway. the kids are a huge gift, and we don't have the money for anything unnecessary right now.

after spending some time with the family, it was time to head off to church. this is one of the big things i had been waiting for. standing in church with my children that i had been praying for for so long, singing praises to my God who had ordained all of it. the kids were really well behaved. very quiet for little children. they took turns sitting with mommy and daddy, grammy and gramps, ben and ashley. mommy was a little overwhelmed at times during worship, feeling so grateful for all God has done in our lives. and after the service was over, the kids took turns visiting with our friends and running all over the sanctuary. our church is much bigger than the one they attended in foster care and they took full advantage of it.

bed time still wasn't easy this night, especially for the boys. and once we finally got them to sleep, i was really feeling like my life was so much better when i was on my own, only worrying about josh and myself. then i kept thinking, "how boring would that be? wanting to be a mother my whole life and then deciding to just live for me." and it also seems kind of selfish in my situation. God has clearly directed my path toward motherhood. could i deny the plans He has for me?

then monday morning hit and i was in my element. having a daily routine with children, doing breakfast, lunch, dinner, laundry, dishes, bath time, etc. is what i have been doing for the past three years. somehow in the midst of my doubting us following God's obvious Will, i found myself.
__________________________________________________________________

we have had a really great week. it's been really rainy so we've stayed in most of the time, but the kids don't mind one bit. though they do ask about going to the park quite a bit!

monday morning the kids and i went to target. there were a few odds and ends i needed to pick up and i had some gift cards left over from my shower. the kids did great, stayed with me, helped me find things. we came home and had lunch and nap time and did our nightly routine when daddy came home from work. we took baths and washed hair and went to bed. i'll spare you the getting up in the middle of the night and jump into tuesday.

tuesday we were home all day. after dinner daddy had to leave for his soccer game. mommy and the kids really wanted to go, but it was cold and rainy. hopefully this tuesday the weather will be better. the kids think it's really neat that daddy plays soccer. they helped him get ready to go and when he came home they helped him take off his sweat bands and they talked to him about his game.

wednesday our social workers came over in the morning for their first home call since the kids moved in. they were very pleased with how things are going so far. our adoption worker commented that she was really excited when she walked in and saw how the kids have taken to me. when daddy came home it was finally not raining and we were able to walk to the park. the park however was soaked. there were huge puddles under the swings and the kids like to swing the best so we decided to just walk through the park and take a walk around the block. daddy had the two oldest kids in the wagon and i had the baby in the jog stroller with the dog on her leash. though we didn't get to stop and play, it was nice to be outside and the kids really enjoyed their wagon ride.

thursday morning i had to go to a meeting at our agency. they had to do another matching staffing since the kids are in permanent custody now. the matching staffing was just for us and the kids. i was really happy to be a part of it, to be able to share how i think things are going and how josh and i feel about the kids. the kids foster mom was able to baby-sit them for me. it was really nice for her to be able to see the kids so soon after they moved in with us. and i think it was good for the kids too. our middle son did cry when i left, and our daughter was pretty withdrawn for awhile. turns out she thought mommy might not come back. mommy called after the meeting and when the foster mom told her it was me and i'd be back to get her soon, she perked up. after daddy came home from work and we ate dinner, daddy went out to mow the lawn and uncle ben stopped by. the kids watched daddy out the window and then got all wound up with uncle ben. these are priceless moments.

friday, the kids and i spent most of the day at grammy and gramps(josh's parents). it was the first time they've had one on one time with the kids. usually there's been other relatives or friends around. grammy and gramps really enjoyed getting to know the kids better. mommy enjoyed getting a little rest while the baby napped and the two oldest kids played in gramps office. we ate lunch there, had a snack there, and spent some time playing. grammy had some blueberries for us. they were a big hit with the baby!

then on friday night papa(my dad) and aunt jackie(future SIL) and uncle ryan(my baby brother) stopped by to visit. the kids had a great time playing horsey with jackie and ryan. they were literally on the floor on all fours while the kids rode around on their backs. papa had a great time too, doing silly dances with the kids.
___________________________________________________________________

today the baby woke up at 6:15am. he and mommy had a nice quiet breakfast together before the other little munchkins woke up. our daughter woke up at 7am and stood talking in the hallway outside of our bedroom door where josh was still sleeping. her talking woke him up and when he sat up and looked at her, she said, "why you still in bed?" i think it's going to take him awhile to get broken in to early morning father mode.

this afternoon we went to our local center of town for a kite festival. there weren't many people there and the kite festival consisted of little kids making kites that wouldn't fly. the big deal for us was that scooby doo was there. the kids love scooby! we got to give him hugs and take pictures with him. and then we just took a walk around town. our town is located near a river so we got to see some waterfalls and the fast moving river. the kids really enjoyed our time out.
_________________________________________________________________

right now as i am blogging, josh and our daughter are playing pretend food/kitchen in the living room. the boys are napping. the dog is probably wishing she lived somewhere else. and speaking of the dog. the children were at first terrified of her, but now they are totally in love. they look for her when she leaves the room. they sit by her when she's sleeping. the baby reaches for her when he's sitting in his highchair. they love to pet her. they love to surround her and talk to her, kind of like in this picture. yes, i am finally ready to share a picture. here's our three little ones all cozying up to the dog.


oh, i got you a little on that one didn't i. sorry. i know you can't see their faces. i hope you are okay with that. i hope you are willing to keep reading until i am ready to show you their cute little faces. we are legally allowed to post their pictures on our blogs, but i am just still a little to afraid to do that. you never know who's lurking out there. so, for now you'll have enjoy this photo and just imagine the rest. they are very, very cute. trust me!

___________________________________________________________________

all in all, i'd have to say we've had a pretty amazing week. i hesitate to call us the all-American family, but that's what it feels like, and looks like. we are young, 29 and 28, we have three kids, a labrador retriever, a red pick-up truck, a mini-van, a four bedroom colonial. daddy goes to work in the morning, mommy stays home. daddy comes home while mommy is finishing up dinner and he gets the kids all wound up. we eat dinner together, play together, get ready for bed together.

our family was formed in a different way than the typical all-American family, but it was formed beautifully. you know, our daughter was born two months after we were married. i know God had started orchestrating things way before then, but to think that her little life started right after ours began together. wow. and our baby was born last year, right when we were starting to figure out our infertility/adoption journey.

and now they are ours. and it feels so good. i have babies. three of them. i am a three baby mama. i look forward to sharing more of our new life with you soon.

mother's day

today we begin our first day as a family. everything went really well yesterday with picking up the kids. and last night went really well too. getting our middle one to sleep proved to be quite the challenge, but it finally happened. and, it only took about an hour. poor little guy.

everything is going well this morning too. the kids are bright eyed and bushy tailed. breakfast is over, playtime has begun, and it's only 8:15am. josh and i on the other hand are not bright eyed and bushy tailed, but we're making it. i think it will take us a few days to get used to this schedule. i am usually up this early, but in the past i could just sit and veg on the couch if i wanted to. those days are gone, at least for the next 17 or so years!

on a more serious, emotional note, i know this is a sensitive day. i know there are mother's who grieve the deaths of their children. i know there are mother's who grieve never being able to birth children. i know there are mother's grieving children they couldn't care for and who are now being raised by foster or adoptive mothers. i know there are women who want to be mother's and can't conceive or give birth. i know there are people who go into hiding on this day so they don't have to face this day.

i know last year i wondered if i'd ever celebrate mother's day as a mother. i know my heart ached while waiting to see when and how God's plan for motherhood for me would unfold. i know last year when our church celebrated all women on mother's day, i was able to stand up because i am a daughter and sister and wife. but, i was wishing i could stand because i was a mother.

this year, all of the prayers for a family have been answered. i have children. tonight at church i will be a mother, celebrating mother's day. and there i'll stand with my children, our first time at church together.

the whole time we were trying to get pregnant i would think, "if i got pregnant this month, i could tell my family this month, and it would be my grandma's birthday and what a great present to give her, to tell her she's going to have a great-grandchild." or, "if i got pregnant this month, i could tell my family this month, and it would be Christmas and what a great Christmas present for everyone." i was never looking at pregnancy in terms of God giving the gift to me, just me giving the gift of our child to someone else in our family.

just recently it hit me. God has been orchestrating this beautiful gift for me. He could have chosen any time for us to bring our children home, but He chose now. He chose mother's day.

i wonder how much it makes Him smile, seeing His plan come to fruition in my life. it makes me smile alot, knowing that out of all the paths He could have planned for me, He led me down this one.

thank You Lord for my children. help me to be a good mother to them.

happy mother's day.

our final day/night as josh & kirsten...

today is a busy day at our homestead. josh took the day off of work so he could finish up a new closet in our room. that way our kiddos can have their own closets! and we are doing some last minute organizing of toys, bath stuff, sippy cups, etc. we got so much stuff at our shower that i think i need to add a room on to our house just to hold it all. don't get me wrong, i am very, very grateful. but there's a lot of work involved in creating a place for all the new stuff.

i have never been a big fan of letting toys and other children's items overtake any room of one's home. unless of course you are lucky enough to have a playroom. so, i am trying to figure out what toys to keep in the living room for everyday play and what toys to store in the basement for rainy day play. the kids foster mom sent over a great fisher price barn that they had at her house. and we registered for and received a great fisher price noah's ark. i think these items will take up residency in the living room, at least for awhile.

i am going to organize all of their little people, cars, animals, etc. into separate small storage boxes. i got this idea from my former nanny boss. she's a brilliant organizer! this system works well because every like item goes together in one box. then when the kids want to play with the little animals, we get out the little animal box.

i think we'll keep a few toys in their rooms too. at least our daughters. she got a couple of sweet streets sets. these are so cute and affordable too. you can build a whole little village, or just have a few of the sets. i highly recommend these. and of course, her baby dolls, barbies, and girly stuffed animals will also be in her room. they are in a cute basket on the bottom shelf of her night stand.

in the midst of all of the organizing and thinking we are crazy for what's to come, we are going to take some time out to have a date tonight. we have decided to dine at one of our favorite little italian places, zeppes. we have some gift certificates for a really, really great and expensive place, but we figured we'll save those for another time and go some place we know we'll enjoy.

i am sure i will experience a wide range of emotions tonight. sadness of the ending of our 'just us' time and excitement for the beginning of our family. the emotions i hope to feel most though, are that of love for my husband. i couldn't do any of this without him. everytime i have felt like throwing in the towel, he has kept me going. everytime i have doubted my ability to take on motherhood of three overnight, he has spoken of his belief in me. everytime i have wondered if we should have sought infertility treatment before adopting, he has reminded me of all we have learned over the past two and a half years. everytime i have felt like i am in this on my own, he jumps in and reminds me he's right by my side, and that's where he'll stay.

so together we journey through this day of 'just us' into our tomorrow of mom, dad, and three children. i have a feeling it's going to be a great beginning to the next chapter in our lives.

a slight emotional breakdown

i am very excited about becoming a mom. it's been a lifetime desire. and it's taken the past two and a half years to get to this point. but last night as we climbed into bed, i felt sad. it really hit me for the first time that josh and i only have two nights left as just us. i cried, a lot. and josh held me and promised that while things will change, we'll still be us, just with kids.

we'll be married for five years this august and we've had a great time so far. i know we'll still be married after the kids come home, but things will change a little. now the only time we'll have just us will be when we go on a trip together or the kids sleep over at their grandparents house. and even then it won't be just us, it will be us on a trip with the kids at home, or us at home alone with the kids somewhere else.

none of this is bad. it's what we want. it's what we've always wanted. this is a very exciting time in our lives. but it's also a little sad. the story of us has been so good so far. now we are saying good-bye to our beginning chapters of marriage and our parenting chapters are beginnning. no matter how sad i may feel about josh and i no longer being just us, we enter this new phase of life with much joy and anticipation.

final visit

we had a great final visit with our kids tonight. we went to an indoor play/dinner place. they have video games, skee ball, etc. they also have this really great sliding board/tube/little tikes houses area for the younger kids. and, it's free! not dinner though, of course.

so, we ordered our food and went to play until it was ready. the kids had a great time climbing and sliding. and when they called for us to pick up our food, the kids were ready to eat. they all ate really well. chicken fingers, fries, applesauce and milk. josh and i had cheeseburgers and fries. after dinner, it was time for more playing. we played for about 45 minutes straight. we were all tired! we loaded in the van and traveled back to meet up with their foster mom.

tonight i surprisingly didn't feel overwhelmed. for the past few days our near future has been weighing heavily on me. but being with the kids tonight, i just felt full of love for them.

our final visit was only about two hours. that seems short until i think about the kids moving in on saturday. then we have a lifetime together.

when it rains, it pours

i can measure God's goodness and faithfulness throughout my entire life, but it seems that lately, He has been showering many blessings around me. we are four days away from bringing our children home. i am still overwhelmed. still scared. still excited. there are so many things i wanted to have done before the big move in, but i have realized there isn't enough time to do everything. some things will just have to wait.

this past week of my life has been very full. full of goodness and love and times that i will cherish forever. sara groves was in town last thursday night at hudson community chapel. i had known for some time that she was coming. i made plans with a friend to attend, and invited my mom and my mother-in-law. a couple of weeks before the show however, we all decided there was too much going on to spend the night out. it felt somewhat irresponsible in the light of bringing three children home to live with me in the matter of a week and a half. but, when thursday morning rolled around, i really felt the Lord telling me i needed to be at the concert. sara's music has played such a huge part in leading me to where i am today. God has really used her to speak to my life and i felt it would be a really good idea to have a night to worship the Lord through sara's music. i called my mom to let her know i was going and she offered to join me. we had an amazing time. sara was as she always is. very real, open, honest. we laughed, we cried. at the end of the evening, i was able to talk with sara, as i have had the privilege to do before. the last time i shared with her that josh and i had been on a journey through infertility and it was leading us toward adoption. this time, i was able to share with her that our adoption journey has lead us to three beautiful children. i cried, sara cried. she remembered meeting me before and she was so excited to see where we have arrived. i was able to share pictures of the kids with her and she took a couple of them with her, wanting to pray for josh and i, and our children. what a blessing!
___________________________________________________________________

friday was my last day at work. my last day being a nanny. my last day of doing what i have been doing every day for the past three years of my life. it was a very hard day emotionally. i had some time alone in their home and i spent time in each of the children's rooms, just looking at their things, touching their clothes, their beds. i was sobbing. but, it was a much needed sob. i needed to be able to say good-bye to so many things in order to move on to my new role as mom. i am going to keep in touch with this family. we actually are going to start building a friendship with one another and our families, as opposed to an employer/employee relationship. i am very grateful.
___________________________________________________________________

saturday, my mother-in-law threw a baby shower for me. i was a very overwhelming time, in a very good way. there were people from every phase of my life there. it made me feel so loved to see that so many people wanted to come to show me their love and support. we got so many gifts. people were so generous! we are now way more prepared to be parents of three. if you are reading this and you were there, thank you so much. words cannot express what having you there meant to me. and to mom(josh's mom), thank you for throwing the shower. what a beautiful time to spend with people who love us.
___________________________________________________________________

saturday night, we had our second overnight visit with our kids. josh brought them home while i was at the shower. we spent the evening eating dinner with our families and enjoying watching the kids get wound up with uncle nathan and uncle ben. that's what uncles are for. right? the baby was very tired, so tired in fact that he didn't know whether to fall asleep or stay awake and cry. it took him awhile to get settled, but once we put him in his crib, he was asleep within two minutes. after the family left, we watched some scooby doo with the two oldest kids. they were able to unwind during the video and then we got them ready for bed. they brushed their teeth and climbed into bed with no problem. we said prayers and within about 5-10 minutes, they were both asleep. josh and i met downstairs at the dining room table. it was only 9:20pm! and, all the kids were asleep! we are hoping this was a taste of what's to come. we had time to sit and talk about the day. i shared with him who was there and some of the gifts we got. he spent some time working on his blog. i spent some time working on laundry. we were in bed by 11pm and all three kids slept all through the night! we did too!! we had them most of the day Sunday. we played at home and at the park. then we returned them to their foster mom. we'll see them tomorrow for a short visit and then saturday they'll move home.
___________________________________________________________________

Sunday afternoon, my sister gave birth to her first child. i am now a proud aunt to a nephew, william henry. he's 7lbs, 20 inches long. he came a few weeks early, but mommy and will are doing very well. i was really hoping to be able to travel to NM to meet him shortly after his birth, but since our children are coming home in a few days, i won't be traveling anytime soon. my sister, her husband, and son will be in ohio in august, so i will likely meet him then. it feels like ages away, but i know it will come quickly. congratulations kimmie and peter. and welcome to the world little will. we love you so much already!
___________________________________________________________________

so now i continue on in my last few days as me and as a wife. in a few days i'll add title of mother to that line-up. i already feel like a mother in my heart, but on saturday, i will take on that role.

tonight's visit...#7

well, there's not much to write about this time. our visit was only about two hours long and most of it was spent playing at mcdonald's. we had planned to go to a park and have a picnic, but today turned out to be a little chilly. and it rained most of the day so the park would have been soaked. what kid doesn't like mcdonald's though? and josh and i like it too. i know, some people think it's gross, but not us!

we met up with the kids at 6pm. at dinner they were so good about eating before we played. we actually didn't even need to talk about it. they sat right down and started eating. our middle son was giving us a little bit of a hard time about eating 'enough' before he could go play. once we set the guideline of 'one more bite' before playing, it took him awhile, but he finally followed through.

the kids had a blast climbing in the playplace. i took a stroll through myself. it's hard when you're an adult! it takes lots of energy, crouching, and hurting your knees before you make it to a slide and sail your way out. the kids really enjoyed me being in there with them so it was totally worth it. josh and the baby played on the 3 and under slide. i got some cute video of them together, maybe someday we can post it.

when it was time to leave, i called the kids to get their shoes on. they came right over and got ready to go. i am so thankful for this! when at mcdonald's you see so many kids throwing a fit when play time is over. i haven't had to deal with that with the kids i nanny, and not having to deal with it tonight made us really happy!

on our way back to meet up with foster mom, we sang some songs in the car. our daughter's favorite song is 'open the eyes of my heart Lord' so we gave it a go a couple of times. she and josh enjoyed clapping along to the music. so cute!

foster mom asked if the kids talked about us being their mommy and daddy. she was surprised when we told her no. she said they have been talking about it with her. our daughter asked her, "who will be the kids at your house when we go live at josh and kirsten's?" how precious is that! and foster mom told us their pastor prayed for us in church on Sunday. that means so much to us! these kids have been surrounded by love and prayer for a whole year now. it started before we even knew who they were. we are so grateful.

we have another overnight on saturday. keep our little ones in your prayers. i am sure it's kind of scary for them. we'll do our best to help them feel safe! until saturday...

can you say overwhelming?

i am a bit overwhelmed right now. have been for a few days. maybe even a few weeks actually. mentally, physically, and emotionally, i just feel drained. we have had so much going on. we're living in a whirlwind, and while it's very exciting, it will be nice when life settles down a little.

josh updated his blog. yes, he finally did. if you've not checked it out before, you should venture on over. he's a pretty funny guy. and learning a little more about him might help you understand why i am the way i am. ha!

___________________________________________________________________

we had visits number 5 and 6 with the kids last week. tuesday night we met up with them for dinner and dessert. we dined at burger king. fancy, i know. but when you're dishing out money for five and you're used to doing so for only two, you must not splurge. the kids were great at dinner. they ate well and behaved well. our middle child is a loud talker, especially in public. we think he's just making sure we're paying attention to him and not only to the oldest child and the youngest. i am a middle child so i completely understand. i know it's not easy. i swear i will honor his birth order!

after dinner we took a ride in our van and sang some songs. we would have loved to go to a park to play but it was in the low 50's and rainy. the kids handled the car ride very well, but wondered if we were actually heading somewhere. they didn't understand the just driving around idea. that is something i love to do though, so someday, they'll get it. as soon as gas prices drop a little!

after driving around we made a stop at DQ for dessert. these kids really enjoy ice cream, especially the oldest. she polished hers off quickly and then moved on to her brothers. i guess if there are days she won't eat anything, we know what we can give her. there was a cavs game on while we were there so josh was teaching the kids to yell, "go cavs!" they were having a blast. we then met up with their foster mom and parted ways after chit-chatting and playing for a little while.

___________________________________________________________________

visit number 6 was actually our first overnight visit. we picked the kids up on friday night around 6pm. once we got home we headed to the park to play. they loved swinging and sliding on the slides and riding on the teeter toter. i think they could play at the park forever. that will come in handy on days there is nothing to do.

after the park we went home and cleaned up and got in jammies. next it was time for a snack. we gathered around the table and had milk and graham crackers. and after our snack, we piled on the couch to have a little talk about becoming a family. we explained to the kids that there are lots of people who love them and want good things for them. and that these people think they should have a mommy and daddy who can love and care for them. we explained how we don't have any kids but that we really want to and that we'd like to be the mommy and daddy who get to take care of them and have them live at our house. the oldest is the only one who has the slightest idea of what's going and she just smiled, said okay, and started playing with some toys.

due to their ages, we weren't expecting much out of the conversation, but they didn't start crying and screaming so i guess we got somewhere. the most important thing to josh and i is that we opened the door for the family/mommy and daddy conversation to take place. the kids can now at least think about it and start to understand who we are and why we are involved in their lives.

after play time, it was bed time. we filed upstairs to brush teeth. the kids all did really well with this. then we filed in their bedrooms to get some much needed sleep. our daughter went down just fine. she's in love with her new room and her lamp on her nightstand. she thinks it's just the neatest thing to have a little lamp that's all hers. the boys on the other hand, weren't so easy to put down. they were scared of their new room, these strangers putting them to bed, etc. this was understandable and it made me sad. as their mother, i didn't want them to be scared. josh and i split the boys up and each consoled one. it took about 20-25 minutes to get them to sleep, but it finally happened. i finished up some laundry and then we climbed in bed. we were exhausted!

i had a hard time getting to sleep. the monitor was right by my head and every time the kids turned over, or breathed heavily, i wondered if they'd wake up. one of them finally did, at 1:45am. the baby had lost his paci and i went in to find it for him. i did so quickly and once it was replaced in his mouth, he was quiet, but as soon as i turned to leave, he started crying. i scooped him up, hoping he wouldn't wake the other two, and i stood by his crib and rocked him in my arms. he fell asleep and i went to lay him back down. he woke up and started crying again. i went through the same routine one more time and then josh stepped in. he carried him downstairs and they sat on the couch. our poor little guy was wide awake at this point and it took about a half an hour to get him back to sleep. and as soon as josh came up the stairs, he woke up again.

josh brought him into our room and held him on our bed. i changed his diaper which was pretty wet. josh got him to fall asleep again, until he tried to lay him in his crib. then i got another turn and i too held him on our bed. i finally got him to start to fall asleep again and when i went to lay him down in his crib, he started to cry, but i just stood next to the crib and rubbed his head and he fell asleep in a few minutes. it was now 3:15am. we were very tired, but during this whole time, josh and i were having huge mommy and daddy moments. we were both really connecting to our little guy, providing him with the security and love he needed to feel from us. and we were connecting with eachother. we needed no words other than 'i love you' and we said it over and over again.

morning came quickly. the boys woke up around 7:30am. josh sat on the couch with them and i jumped in the shower. we woke our daughter up around 8:15am. i think she could have slept much longer, but breakfast was ready and we didn't want her to miss out on eating with the rest of the family.

after breakfast, josh took a shower, we all got dressed for the day and played with some toys inside. then we headed out to the yard to play ball. right then our great friends jeff and heidi arrived from columbus. the kids were very excited to meet them, and jeff and heidi were very excited to meet the kids. we spent most of the day playing outside. we all ate lunch together and the boys took a nap. after nap time we went to the park again. a huge hit with the kiddos! then it was time for them to go back to their foster home.

on our way back, jeff said, "well, you've got yourselves a volleyball player, a soccer player, and a football player." our daughter replied, "i'll just be a princess." i guess girls are just born that way!

we have another visit scheduled for tonight. and another overnight visit scheduled for this weekend. again, we'll let you know how things go!